Unfathomable Love

Sometimes I can’t explain the or even comprehend the joy I feel when I’m near my Love. I’m at church dancing and I feel this freedom rising up withing me and I suddenly can’t stop smiling. I’m twirling, jumping, running, and this huge wave within me is rising up; I cry, I sing out, I worship, I yell. When I sing I can’t help but smile at every word coming out of my mouth proclaiming his awesome power and love for me. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry and sing out.

I pray and I kneel before Him and I thank Him and I worship Him and I sing to Him. What touches me the most is knowing that I am worthless, yet in His great mercy, He allows me to come to Him, to kneel before Him and say words of love to Him. And in that moment I realize I am not worhtless; I am worth every single drop of blood from His body, I am worthy to be called His daughter, worthy to praise and sing and dance to the Holiest being in the universe because His life, His sacrifice makes me worthy to praise Him.

When I’m at church and we pray I sometimes get on my knees and immediately break down in front of Him, thankful for allowing me to come to Him. Thankful because in all of His glory, He chooses to humble Himself and come to me. The feeling I get within me is totally unexplainable. There is nothing on this earth that I would rather choose over Him, over the way I feel whenever I’m at His presence. There is a song Kim walker sings, it’s called “Healing Oil” and all it says is:

I can feel Your healing oil running down my brow.

I wouldn’t trade another lifetime for how I feel right now.

And truer words have never been said; I would never EVER in my life give up the amazing comforting feeling I have whenever I’m with Jesus for anything in this universe. I feel at peace, calm, my life is still when I’m with Him; yet at the same time I am overwhelmed. My spirit is rejoicing, my heart is joyful, my lips sing out to him, my hands wave in the air for him, my whole body seems to be so active when I am near Him. It’s this beautiful dichotomy within myself that makes Him so desirable and so irresistible to me.

I wish I could describe with amazing clarity my feeling for Him but it’s impossible. I think the closest word, and my all-time favorite word, to describe Him and everything I feel when I’m with Him is “unfathomable.

adjective: unfathomable
  1. incapable of being fully explored or understood


Will there ever be a word, or set of words to describe how I feel for Him, how His amazing and pure love makes me feel? NEVER. EVER. Is there ever going to be a word that perfectly describes His magnificence and extraordinary power? NOPE. And that is why I absolutely love the word “unfathomable” to describe every aspect of Christ’s being and my own feelings towards Him, because no one will ever understand it ever. Every single human being is incapable of understanding just how great and amazing and fulfilling HIs love is. Just how great His existence is, how merciful He is.
His death and resurrection are things we know and comprehend, but are we ever going to totally comprehend Jesus’ willingness to give up HIs life for us? I highly doubt it. And I’m not saying this in a bad way; what I’m trying to say is that that type of love is so absolutely amazing and pure that it is incapable of being fully explored.
All I know is that my heart and soul and spirit are happy whenever I’m with Him. And I would never trade in that joy that I feel and experience in my life for anything in this world. Everything I am and everything I have is because of Him. If I have Jesus in my life I have everything I need.

Completely Changed

Yesterday, as I was in school listening to worship music, I came across a preaching from Jesus Culture’s “Awakening” conference in which Kim Walker talks about the REAL meaning of worship. As stated in a previous post, I’ve been having a hard time lately at my church because I want to do things that I believe I should be doing but I am not doing them, and I have not been “enjoying” myself when I’m at church because of that thought.

Have you ever seen a cartoon in which a character is chasing someone else, like Wile E. Coyote chasing the Roadrunner, and he tries SO hard to catch the Roadrunner but then something gets in his way, a train, a wall, a falling boulder, and it stops him from what he is doing? Well that’s pretty much exactly what happened to me yesterday at school.

As Kim was talking about worship, I realized that I really don’t know how to worship. I mean, sure, I can sing and pray and I enjoy spontaneous songs and love every minute of it, but I seriously doubt I have ever worshipped the way she described it to be. And then she goes on to talk about God’s love and how it’s magnificent, and huge, and extravagant, and it just HIT me like a boulder falling on me.

I can’t be asking God to let me be a worship leader. I mean, obviously I can, but I have absolutely no right to. Who am I to be asking Him to put me in a position that I think I deserve when I don’t even deserve being alive? I am not worthy at all to be on this earth, I am not worthy to be alive, but most of all, I am not worthy AT ALL to be close to Him. He is the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the most powerful being, wisest, most beautiful man in the whole universe; I could search a billion years and I could never find anyone like Him. So why am I asking HIm to give me something else, when I should be more than satisfied, completely happy, and head over heels in love with Him because He allows me to be with Him.

It’s that type of realization, this revelation that God gave to me yesterday, that completely changed me. It doesnt matter if I don’t ever get to lead worship, it doesn’t matter if I don’t ever go around singing about Him; all that truly matters is that His love for me is so much that He humbles Himslef and comes down from His holy throne to be with me, and that is so much more than I could ever ask for. I am so deeply thankful that Jesus talks to me in unexpected ways and is able to change the way I think.

My love, my praise, my EVERYTHING will always be for God, Jesus Christ, Jehovah, my Savior, my Beloved. All that I am is to Him and for Him only.

Worship is Not…

Worship is not songs and worship is not instruments and it’s not dancing and it’s not painting; all of those things are expressions of worship. But worship, just simply defined, is this relationship, this connection that we have with Jesus. It is all about a relationship, it is all about a connection to Him and to His presence. In worship it is Him pouring out His presence and His Spirit on us and His love on us and us in turn responding with love that we pour back out on Him; it’s this never ending cycle happening. And to be full is not to the rim; to be full is to be overflowing, and to be overflowing there’s gotta be a constant pouring in and a constant flowing out.

Kim Walker