Completely Changed

Yesterday, as I was in school listening to worship music, I came across a preaching from Jesus Culture’s “Awakening” conference in which Kim Walker talks about the REAL meaning of worship. As stated in a previous post, I’ve been having a hard time lately at my church because I want to do things that I believe I should be doing but I am not doing them, and I have not been “enjoying” myself when I’m at church because of that thought.

Have you ever seen a cartoon in which a character is chasing someone else, like Wile E. Coyote chasing the Roadrunner, and he tries SO hard to catch the Roadrunner but then something gets in his way, a train, a wall, a falling boulder, and it stops him from what he is doing? Well that’s pretty much exactly what happened to me yesterday at school.

As Kim was talking about worship, I realized that I really don’t know how to worship. I mean, sure, I can sing and pray and I enjoy spontaneous songs and love every minute of it, but I seriously doubt I have ever worshipped the way she described it to be. And then she goes on to talk about God’s love and how it’s magnificent, and huge, and extravagant, and it just HIT me like a boulder falling on me.

I can’t be asking God to let me be a worship leader. I mean, obviously I can, but I have absolutely no right to. Who am I to be asking Him to put me in a position that I think I deserve when I don’t even deserve being alive? I am not worthy at all to be on this earth, I am not worthy to be alive, but most of all, I am not worthy AT ALL to be close to Him. He is the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the most powerful being, wisest, most beautiful man in the whole universe; I could search a billion years and I could never find anyone like Him. So why am I asking HIm to give me something else, when I should be more than satisfied, completely happy, and head over heels in love with Him because He allows me to be with Him.

It’s that type of realization, this revelation that God gave to me yesterday, that completely changed me. It doesnt matter if I don’t ever get to lead worship, it doesn’t matter if I don’t ever go around singing about Him; all that truly matters is that His love for me is so much that He humbles Himslef and comes down from His holy throne to be with me, and that is so much more than I could ever ask for. I am so deeply thankful that Jesus talks to me in unexpected ways and is able to change the way I think.

My love, my praise, my EVERYTHING will always be for God, Jesus Christ, Jehovah, my Savior, my Beloved. All that I am is to Him and for Him only.