Sometimes I can’t explain the or even comprehend the joy I feel when I’m near my Love. I’m at church dancing and I feel this freedom rising up withing me and I suddenly can’t stop smiling. I’m twirling, jumping, running, and this huge wave within me is rising up; I cry, I sing out, I worship, I yell. When I sing I can’t help but smile at every word coming out of my mouth proclaiming his awesome power and love for me. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry and sing out.
I pray and I kneel before Him and I thank Him and I worship Him and I sing to Him. What touches me the most is knowing that I am worthless, yet in His great mercy, He allows me to come to Him, to kneel before Him and say words of love to Him. And in that moment I realize I am not worhtless; I am worth every single drop of blood from His body, I am worthy to be called His daughter, worthy to praise and sing and dance to the Holiest being in the universe because His life, His sacrifice makes me worthy to praise Him.
When I’m at church and we pray I sometimes get on my knees and immediately break down in front of Him, thankful for allowing me to come to Him. Thankful because in all of His glory, He chooses to humble Himself and come to me. The feeling I get within me is totally unexplainable. There is nothing on this earth that I would rather choose over Him, over the way I feel whenever I’m at His presence. There is a song Kim walker sings, it’s called “Healing Oil” and all it says is:
I can feel Your healing oil running down my brow.
I wouldn’t trade another lifetime for how I feel right now.
And truer words have never been said; I would never EVER in my life give up the amazing comforting feeling I have whenever I’m with Jesus for anything in this universe. I feel at peace, calm, my life is still when I’m with Him; yet at the same time I am overwhelmed. My spirit is rejoicing, my heart is joyful, my lips sing out to him, my hands wave in the air for him, my whole body seems to be so active when I am near Him. It’s this beautiful dichotomy within myself that makes Him so desirable and so irresistible to me.
I wish I could describe with amazing clarity my feeling for Him but it’s impossible. I think the closest word, and my all-time favorite word, to describe Him and everything I feel when I’m with Him is “unfathomable.“
incapable of being fully explored or understood