Unfathomable Love

Sometimes I can’t explain the or even comprehend the joy I feel when I’m near my Love. I’m at church dancing and I feel this freedom rising up withing me and I suddenly can’t stop smiling. I’m twirling, jumping, running, and this huge wave within me is rising up; I cry, I sing out, I worship, I yell. When I sing I can’t help but smile at every word coming out of my mouth proclaiming his awesome power and love for me. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry and sing out.

I pray and I kneel before Him and I thank Him and I worship Him and I sing to Him. What touches me the most is knowing that I am worthless, yet in His great mercy, He allows me to come to Him, to kneel before Him and say words of love to Him. And in that moment I realize I am not worhtless; I am worth every single drop of blood from His body, I am worthy to be called His daughter, worthy to praise and sing and dance to the Holiest being in the universe because His life, His sacrifice makes me worthy to praise Him.

When I’m at church and we pray I sometimes get on my knees and immediately break down in front of Him, thankful for allowing me to come to Him. Thankful because in all of His glory, He chooses to humble Himself and come to me. The feeling I get within me is totally unexplainable. There is nothing on this earth that I would rather choose over Him, over the way I feel whenever I’m at His presence. There is a song Kim walker sings, it’s called “Healing Oil” and all it says is:

I can feel Your healing oil running down my brow.

I wouldn’t trade another lifetime for how I feel right now.

And truer words have never been said; I would never EVER in my life give up the amazing comforting feeling I have whenever I’m with Jesus for anything in this universe. I feel at peace, calm, my life is still when I’m with Him; yet at the same time I am overwhelmed. My spirit is rejoicing, my heart is joyful, my lips sing out to him, my hands wave in the air for him, my whole body seems to be so active when I am near Him. It’s this beautiful dichotomy within myself that makes Him so desirable and so irresistible to me.

I wish I could describe with amazing clarity my feeling for Him but it’s impossible. I think the closest word, and my all-time favorite word, to describe Him and everything I feel when I’m with Him is “unfathomable.

adjective: unfathomable
  1. incapable of being fully explored or understood


Will there ever be a word, or set of words to describe how I feel for Him, how His amazing and pure love makes me feel? NEVER. EVER. Is there ever going to be a word that perfectly describes His magnificence and extraordinary power? NOPE. And that is why I absolutely love the word “unfathomable” to describe every aspect of Christ’s being and my own feelings towards Him, because no one will ever understand it ever. Every single human being is incapable of understanding just how great and amazing and fulfilling HIs love is. Just how great His existence is, how merciful He is.
His death and resurrection are things we know and comprehend, but are we ever going to totally comprehend Jesus’ willingness to give up HIs life for us? I highly doubt it. And I’m not saying this in a bad way; what I’m trying to say is that that type of love is so absolutely amazing and pure that it is incapable of being fully explored.
All I know is that my heart and soul and spirit are happy whenever I’m with Him. And I would never trade in that joy that I feel and experience in my life for anything in this world. Everything I am and everything I have is because of Him. If I have Jesus in my life I have everything I need.

The Biggest Impact

Every Tuesday night I go to church for Intermediate Doctrine II which is a class where my pastor teaches us different aspects of the Bible and how to look for things that may not be in plain sight, etc.

Last night we focused on one verse and we examined it to see what it was saying “between the lines.” The verse was John 3:16 which says:

“For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (NIV)

The point of the class was to go over each word, or group of words, and see what exactly it was talking about and what it referred to; and not only making salvation the main point but understanding how they all connected. So my pastor took each word, gave it a “definition” as to what it referred to, and showed us how each word represented a major occurrence or accomplishment in a Christian’s walk and life.


  1. For: This word is the biggest explanation ever given as to why the sacrifice happened which was hidden for many years and was revealed through Jesus Christ.
  2. God: The biggest divine being. No one in all of the universe could ever compare to His magnificence.
  3. so : The biggest intensity. In another version, The Living Bible, it says “for God loved the world SO MUCH…” This goes to show the intensity of God’s love for humanity.
  4. loved : The biggest commandment. God commands us to love one another the way we love ourselves; 1 John 4:8 says that God is love. Everywhere in the Bible you can see God’s love being mentioned, His immense love for us, our love for Him and for one another. In this context the word love is “agape,” which literally means love for God.
  5. the world : The biggest objective. The word world is “kosmos,” which not only refers to our earth, but to the whole universe and everything else that lives in it. Of course we, as humans, have the biggest privilege to marry Jesus Christ and become His Bride, but there are other celestial beings (1 Corinthians 15:40) that will know about Jesus Christ’s sacrifice. But, thankfully, He chose us to be his objective for sacrificing His own life and saving us.
  6. that He gave: The biggest virtue. Acts 20:35 talks about how it is better to give than to receive. God let go a part of Himself, gave up his only begotten Son, for us. If that isn’t the biggest act of giving, then I dont know what is.
  7. His one and only Son: The biggest sacrifice. One can understand, and maybe even sympathize with God, that giving up your only son must be a terribly difficult thing to do. But Jesus wasn’t just His only Son, He was the only one in His kind. In The King James Version it says He gave His “only begotten son;” the word “begotten” is past tense for “beget” which means to bring about. But in Spanish the verse says “dio a su hijo unigenito,” that word unigenito literally means “one gene.” This means that Jesus wasn’t just God’s only Son, but the only one who had one specific, or special, set of genes. Jesus was not born from man and woman, He is one with God, He IS God. But in order to be able to sacrifice His own life, He must have taken another form, another gene in his being to be able to give up His celestial body for a human one. But even as he was human, he still remained the only begotten, “monogened” being in the universe. In this context the word son is “huios” which means son, but a matured son.
  8. that: The biggest achievement. God didn’t just give up Jesus for fun, or because He wanted to prove anything, he did it so THAT we could come to Him and be saved.
  9. whoever: The biggest intention. Jesus’ intention for His sacrifice was so that anyone who believes in Him can be saved. He didn’t specify or mention a certain group of people, His sacrifice was dedicated for everyone, everywhere.
  10. believes in Him: The biggest condition. Jesus gave up His life to save us, the only condition, or catch if you wanna be more modern, is that we have to believe in Him in order to receive that beautiful gift. We need to have FAITH.
  11. shall not perish: The biggest punishment. This word perish doesn’t only mean dying in flesh but it mostly refers to death in the spirit. We can be healthy, alive, active, etc. but if our spirit is dead then it is of no use because, ultimately, the place where we will end up in is not Heaven. That is why we have to receive Jesus Christ in our hearts, so that we won’t perish spiritually and live in Him.
  12. but have eternal life: The biggest gift. Seriously, who can argue with this one? There is no greater gift than the one Jesus gave us, which is to live eternally with Him through His sacrifice. In this context, the word life means “zoe” and according to New testament Greek Lexicon and Strong Dictionary it means “of the absolute fullness of life, both essential and ethical, which belongs to God…”

This is such a small part of this verse, it has so much more meaning and depth to it. It truly encompasses every aspect of a Christian’s life and walk with God. Now all we have to do is receive Him in our hearts and grow in our relationship with Him, and await His return for us.


When I started this blog I thought I was just going to write about random things, maybe school, family life, friends, jobs (or lack thereof), what I enjoy, etc. But I never thought that it could help me in my relationship with God.

If I’m being completely honest, my walk with Him has not been the most righteous one this past year, but I want to try to be closer with and to Him everyday; even if it’s reading one verse, or praying for ten minutes, as long as I’m near Him and doing something to make my relationship with my Lord stronger.

Maybe God had planned for me to start this blog to seek Him more, even if people don’t read it or if they don’t agree with what I say, as long as I am doing something to get closer to him it doesn’t matter what it is.

Completely Changed

Yesterday, as I was in school listening to worship music, I came across a preaching from Jesus Culture’s “Awakening” conference in which Kim Walker talks about the REAL meaning of worship. As stated in a previous post, I’ve been having a hard time lately at my church because I want to do things that I believe I should be doing but I am not doing them, and I have not been “enjoying” myself when I’m at church because of that thought.

Have you ever seen a cartoon in which a character is chasing someone else, like Wile E. Coyote chasing the Roadrunner, and he tries SO hard to catch the Roadrunner but then something gets in his way, a train, a wall, a falling boulder, and it stops him from what he is doing? Well that’s pretty much exactly what happened to me yesterday at school.

As Kim was talking about worship, I realized that I really don’t know how to worship. I mean, sure, I can sing and pray and I enjoy spontaneous songs and love every minute of it, but I seriously doubt I have ever worshipped the way she described it to be. And then she goes on to talk about God’s love and how it’s magnificent, and huge, and extravagant, and it just HIT me like a boulder falling on me.

I can’t be asking God to let me be a worship leader. I mean, obviously I can, but I have absolutely no right to. Who am I to be asking Him to put me in a position that I think I deserve when I don’t even deserve being alive? I am not worthy at all to be on this earth, I am not worthy to be alive, but most of all, I am not worthy AT ALL to be close to Him. He is the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the most powerful being, wisest, most beautiful man in the whole universe; I could search a billion years and I could never find anyone like Him. So why am I asking HIm to give me something else, when I should be more than satisfied, completely happy, and head over heels in love with Him because He allows me to be with Him.

It’s that type of realization, this revelation that God gave to me yesterday, that completely changed me. It doesnt matter if I don’t ever get to lead worship, it doesn’t matter if I don’t ever go around singing about Him; all that truly matters is that His love for me is so much that He humbles Himslef and comes down from His holy throne to be with me, and that is so much more than I could ever ask for. I am so deeply thankful that Jesus talks to me in unexpected ways and is able to change the way I think.

My love, my praise, my EVERYTHING will always be for God, Jesus Christ, Jehovah, my Savior, my Beloved. All that I am is to Him and for Him only.

Worship is Not…

Worship is not songs and worship is not instruments and it’s not dancing and it’s not painting; all of those things are expressions of worship. But worship, just simply defined, is this relationship, this connection that we have with Jesus. It is all about a relationship, it is all about a connection to Him and to His presence. In worship it is Him pouring out His presence and His Spirit on us and His love on us and us in turn responding with love that we pour back out on Him; it’s this never ending cycle happening. And to be full is not to the rim; to be full is to be overflowing, and to be overflowing there’s gotta be a constant pouring in and a constant flowing out.

Kim Walker